What things do you know about your roommate that they don't know you know?

gman243 · 3 months

My roommate announces when he's going to masturbate. I have no place in this post.

catch10110 · 3 months

On two separate occasions, my roommate has borrowed my camera to take pictures of herself and a girl she was with, and forgotten to swap the memory cards right away. Both times I found out completely accidentally.

Yes, those kind of pictures.

I saw everything.

tardiscompanion · 3 months

Mine once masturbated with my tanning lotion, the cracks of his hands were orange for a week.

suporno · 3 months

I share a room with my best friend of two years. Every night I can hear her violently masturbating. I've never said anything, but it's really awkward when you wake up in the middle of the night to hear that.

JayDecay · 3 months

I don't have any roommates right now, but I had one a few years ago. He was your typical bro type, got drunk a lot, played video games, kinda loud and obnoxious, but generally a really nice dude. Always paid bills on time, and covered you if you were short on cash.

One night I went over to my girlfriends house, told him I was going to spend the night, but ended up arguing with her so I went back home around 2 in the morning.

I walked into the house and heard multiple moaning and slapping sounds, and I thought "Is he like, gangbanging a girl or something?" I go into the dining room, and right on the floor he's seriously getting pounded, rotisserie style, by two huge black guys.

I just turned around and left, went to my friends house down the street and slept on his couch. I never brought it up with him, hoping that he was just really drunk and didn't remember me walking in, but it was always awkward being around him after that. He moved out like a month and a half later.

Alaskan_Assassin · 3 months

I overheard a convo between my roommate and his girlfriend. Basically I now know that my roommate cannot get an erection without here plunging a dildo in his ass...

AbortionMonster · 3 months

The night he found out his girlfriend cheated on him, he lay in bed for hours listening to Nickelbacks "Photograph" on repeat for what seemed to be an eternity. The entire time he was crying his eyes out...I pretended to be asleep the whole night...but I was really awake listening to him blare Nickelback so loud I could hear them....all from his Ipod earbuds.

TL;DR: Roomie got cheated on, cried for 5 hrs straight while listening to Chad Kroeger sing about pictures.

wasting_internet · 3 months

She's a yoga instructor, 'vegan and health nut', gives off an air of being enlightened, animal-lover...in reality she eats my frozen meat-lover's pizzas, drinks all my soda, never cleans her cat's litter box, and is addicted to the Kardashian show.

DreadandButter · 3 months

I have walked into my room and seen one of my roommates, when he's alone in the room, have to quickly pull up his pants as I walk in. There's a small alcove that leads into the room so he has time to do it, but I know that if I don't see my other roommate as I'm walking in, I deliberately slow down so he has time to pull up his pants.

EDIT: I should probably clarify that this is a one-room dorm room. We all share the same room, so it's not like he's in my room or I'm wandering into his.

tloftxj · 3 months

One day, I found the house dog chewing up on some plastic thing in the living room. That was the day I found out that one of my roommates had a very realistic life-sized fake pussy. The conversation has never arouse about the missing sex toy.

Kaluthir · 3 months

I had a roommate who was extremely conservative. He didn't like that my other roommate and I would bring our girlfriends over, and that they would stay the night sometimes; whenever his girlfriend came over for any reason, she would sneak in and, if caught, would avoid eye contact. That said, this was extremely rare. He probably saw his girlfriend once or twice a week even though we all went to the same college and she lived just a couple of minutes away; whenever they went to parties or formals, he would barely even touch her (hand-holding was the most PDA I'd ever seen from them).

He had a few friends, though. They were pretty nice guys, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was some weird shit going on, especially since he was always eager to "bro-hug" them. One day, a friend of his was spending a few days in our apartment and I came home early. I saw the roommate's car in front, so I went to ask him about utility money he owed me but I stopped at the door. I could hear him and his friend showering together. I'm almost positive he's a severely repressed homosexual.

Amytherocklobster · 3 months

Not current, but former roomate. She was excessively obese and smelly.. She had this small dog she loved, one of those cute short haired chiwawa. She accidently crushed it to death in her sleep. I walked in her room to bitch about something she'd done and it was.. You could tell what happened. She was still asleep so I locked my room and left for a few hours. I came home and she played it very well.. Pretending her dog ran away and she left the door open and couldn't find him. I went along with it, even helped her make posters.

cheapblackman · 3 months

I know that he has a book bigger than all of my textbooks with pictures of him and his girlfriend. And I know he is going to ask his girlfriend to marry him.

eekdood · 3 months

I know what his fiancée looks like naked. She got out of the shower after spending the night. He was at work and she (mistakenly) assumed I was too.

edit: fiancée vs fiancé

Pxl_Buzzard · 3 months

He thinks I won't notice when my food stash is suddenly a bag of Hot Fries shorter than it was before class. ಠ_ಠ

cnut_the_great · 3 months

That him and another one of my best male friends used to hook up regularly although neither of them are "out" yet. Actually, the roommate is deeply Catholic and publicly thinks that homosexuality is a sin, so, we'll see how all that works out.

BrooklynBuckeye · 3 months

My roommate in my freshman college dorm showered every day, but he kept smelling progressively worse. Two months in he smelled like a wet dog. I could not figure out what was happening. Then I checked the container that had his bar soap in it. It was completely pristine and had not been used. He had been carrying it every day to the shower and just not using it, so he still smelled like ass, just wet ass. So weird.

lookatyourpost · 3 months

Happened to a friend of mine, his computer broke so his roommate lent his computer to my friend. So, my friend wanted to show me a youtube video. We proceeded to turn on his roommates computer and on the desktop, I noticed a folder titled, "Favorite Biblical Passages" so I inquired about it. My friend didn't notice it before so we decided to see what was inside because his roommate isn't one to be religious.

I never knew so much rape porn existed back in 2006.

bdjohn06 · 3 months

I know that if the door to our dorm room is locked from the inside he's wanking. I'm usually welcomed by my roommate looking at the Windows Desktop when I open the door.

lurkernomore11 · 3 months

Mine speaks as if he were a baby to his fiance on the phone, while she laughs or occasionally insults him. I hear it all night. Also, two nights ago he farted the first four notes to the song grandfather clocks play in near perfect pitch and time while asleep.

Celebutaunt · 3 months

She thinks I don't know that she sneaks some of her dirty dishes into my pile, but oh, I know. ಠ_ಠ

On a lighter note, I also knows she's into bestiality porn, because I overhear her talking to her boyfriend about it all the damn time.

billy822 · 3 months

My old roommate from a few years ago had a online relationship with a girl in the game Counter-Strike. Besides playing the game together, him and his online girlfriend would argue all the time, say lovey dovey shit to each other also, and have "Ventrilo sex". (Program used for Counter-Strike to talk over the mic with headphones on to another person on the internet)

The online relationship lasted awhile, probably about 7 months. From what he told me, they never got to meet. She stood him up on on his birthday, new years eve, and made a whole bunch of promises to come meet him. Apparently she lived in the tri-state area.

I didn't play Counter-Strike much but when I did it was on his Steam account. One Saturday he allowed me to play on his account while he was visiting his parents, I forgot to sign off the Steam friends list and his girlfriend messaged me thinking I was him. She messaged me saying stuff along the lines of "I have found someone else in real life and that she didn't wish to continue this online romance."

I knew how much the online relationship was taking a toll on my roommates personal life. He would always come home from work to go online and talk to her, never was social, when I threw parties he would never come enjoy the fun. He was always depressed and miserable after fighting with this girl he has never met and seemed like he was never going to meet after being in a relationship that long.

I decided enough was enough for the sake of my roommates sanity. I replied back on Steam to her message along the lines of "Good, I found someone else also. You haven't been worth my time, peace bitch. Delete me from your online life." Sure enough her name appeared offline and off his friends list.

When my roommate came home, I didn't have the balls to tell him. After about a week I noticed how sad he gotten and I threw a party and invited as many girls as I could, hoping he would have the balls to talk to some of them.

Hours into the party, he's drunk and pulls me aside to tell me how this asian chick, who was actually really hot, played counter-strike and was into him. I asked him about his online relationship and he told me. "I reevaluated my life and decided its not worth stressing over a girl I can't even make actual eye contact with".

Next morning I make breakfast for the girl I got lucky with and there she was. This sexy asian chick, taking the walk of shame to the bathroom the next morning coming from his room with one of his SK-GAMING tshirts on.

Probably the best bro moment of my life to this day.

TL;DR

roommate had online counter-strike relationship.

went behind roommates back to break them up.

he never found out.

he rebounds and is now in a healthy real life relationship.

nopropulsion · 3 months

A couple of years ago I went onto my roommate's computer when mine was broken to look something up on the internet. While I started typing the browser auto completed to a foot fetish website, so I got curious and checked his history. He had a major foot fetish and would peruse websites. Which made it amusing when he would periodically give "friendly" foot rubs to our female next door neighbors.

first_five-eighth · 3 months

...that my best friend fucked her in her ass with no condom, and then she blew him, and that that was the source of her raging tonsil infection.

Mithrien · 3 months

I've got the opposite story: with super thin walls, my roommate can't help but hear it when I've got my vibrator on. Even with my music playing in the background, the highest setting is pretty loud. I try to use it only when she's gone, but I've heard her mention it to her friends when they were over. In contrast, I've never heard the slightest bit of noise from her (except, of course, when she's got friends over and is talking)

alfonzo_squeeze · 3 months

He looked at porn on my computer when I left it out in the living room overnight, didn't even delete the browsing history. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN COMPUTER WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????

TamTam8906 · 3 months

I had some insane roommates in College. In an 8 month period I had 9 roommates. 4 lasted the whole school yr, and the other 5 either had drug addictions, mental illness, eating disorders or got pregnant.

One of them didn't think we knew she was on drugs and anorexic, until we called her mother after 2 months. Lots and lots of drugs, meth, oxy's, basically abusing any prescription that she could get her hands on, then mixing with vodka. She would go on binges for 2-4 days in her room, not even coming out to pee, the house would smell like a chemical plant at times. She was trading sexual favours for drugs when her allowance would run out. Me and my other roommates would cook up the food her mother would bring because it was about to go bad/expire.

She would appear after a binge like everything was normal, have a shower put on some make-up, do some dishes. All while talking about the massive art project that she had been working on and just finished. We never saw any artwork from her, or saw her even go to classes/the studio.

There was one instance were I had gotten up after a nap to do homework at like 3am, everyone else was in bed. I emerged from my room unaware of the holy hell I was about to walk into. Instant coffee sprinkled on the carpet, along with streamers and confetti strewn about. Coffee splattered all over the kitchen floor and walls, the stove turned on a pot of water on the wrong burner and KD spilled all over the counter. Along with popcorn exploded all over the common room area. However somewhere between me leaving for class at 7 and roomies getting up for class at 9am everything was cleaned and returned back to normal.

Mirrored_Mirth · 3 months

My old roomie would sleep on the couch when I was out of town because he was afraid to go upstairs alone.

BeckyMartinGranger · 3 months

Mine said she had a boyfriend. Pictures, love letters taped to the walls. He'd mail letters at least twice a week to her at school.

Turns out he was a married man that she was obsessed with. She wrote the letters to herself and took the pictures on the sly.

He had no idea.

CJDreadd · 3 months

First time living with a roommate. I'm a chick. Roommate is guy.
Setup webcam on my computer with a program to notify me with an email and begin recording if movement is captured.
Watch male roommate come into my room a few weeks after moving in, while I'm at work.
Looks through my drawers until he finds where I keep my undergarments.
Examines panties and bras.
Puts them back.
Leaves.

I have material for blackmail if ever necessary.

Edit: Since people are asking, it's an IP/network cam

Xanpulo · 3 months

When I was in college, we lived in apartments instead of dorms and my best friend and I were paired up with 2 other people. (all women) These girls have never had to take care of themselves and don't know how to wash clothes, clean dishes, rooms or even take a shower regularly.

I witness one of them - lets call her Lisa - finish eating her food, take the spoon and lick it clean and put it back in the silverware drawer. She also liked to keep all her used condoms in a shoe box in her room. I stumbled across it looking for a book I loaned her.

The other - Sally - would have her period and hide the bloody clothes in a kitchen cabinet. She would always ask us not to use that cabinet, because it was for her food, and she would hide things like that - her hair brush because she thought we all used it, her shoes..

My best friend at the time didn't think I know she stole and wore my underwear. She had made a copy of my door key and was stealing my clothes little by little. ...

I hated living with women.. I hated it so much..

KakunaUsedHarden · 3 months

Every single one of these is about me. Jeremy why do you have so many Reddit accounts?? </paranoid>

here_for_the_lols · 3 months

I came home one day when I was supposed to be going off on holiday, because the road was closed due to snow. I had 2 flatmates, one of which was also away oversees. This left our last roommate who (thought he) had the house to himself. Anyway I made sure i knocked loudly so I wouldnt catch him rubbing one out or anything like that, but what I had no idea that what he was doing could not be hid away in a couple of seconds. This was a meer 2 hours after I had left for holiday and there were no less than 7 full size blow up dolls in various sexual positions around the living room and kitchen. My roommate (who had clearly not heard my knocking) was balls deep in one of them. When he realised I had walked in his face dropped. Naturally I left straight away to preserve his privacy, and when i got back from holiday he had moved out. Never seen him again.

TL;DR - Walked in on my room mate humping a harem of blow up dolls.

liapocalypse · 3 months

I once overheard my ex-roommate tell one of his friends that he always wipes his spunk on the carpet next to the bed. He calls them his carpet-babies.

afunnyjoke · 3 months

My roommate and I share a 12x12 dorm. It took us a while to decide how to arrange our room with our beds and desks, but after three months into the year, I decided to rearrange it myself (with his permission). I got help from a friend on a floor below us to help me. We needed to move the desks, so we took out all the drawers first.

I found dog treats in his drawer. Open dog treats. Dog biscuits. Some eaten. We're in a freshman dorm, so we obviously don't have a dog/there aren't any dogs near us.

I re-rearranged our room about a month ago, and had to take out the drawers again, and I found the dog treats again. But there were even fewer of them.

TL;DR My roommate eats dog treats.

bigbertha42 · 3 months

Mine has phone sex in code. Woke up one night with him going dick out wild on his side of the room.

ColonelFlashman · 3 months

Well now ex roommate. But when I was at uni my flatmate had shitloads of rape porn and hentai and pokemon porn on his laptop.

kekepulia · 3 months

My roommates don't know they have a roommate...

biggestseedbell · 3 months

command-f my roommates username...oh thank god

Informationator · 3 months

My room mate doesn't shower often. He doesn't think it's necessary. He says girls tell him he smells great.

...You can tell which toilet he's used because there is a line of butt-lint semi-stickily glued to the back center of the toilet. Seriously. WHY IS THERE SO MUCH AND WHY IS IT TACKY?! Every time I go to use the toilet I'm wiping off the back center because he has to play oregon trail on the toilet with his butt lint.

He's always talking about girls and how they misconstrue his eccentric inner-child for immaturity. ...except that it's ACTUAL immaturity. He doesn't wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom and his room is stacked floor to ceiling with junk because he's a hoarder, but he thinks he's just organized in a special way. It's special alright. Really special.

NJOYLF · 3 months

I was inside my roommates mom even before he was born. Also, my roommate is my younger brother.

PandaK00sh · 3 months

Not my roommate but a friend's roommate.

So my friend, let's call him John, comes to me and laments that each morning he's woken up by his roommate, Lisa, running water for 15 minutes. He confided in me he was confused and concerned, and that she'd run the sink and bathtub simultaneously for 15 minutes almost every morning, usually waking him up.

Fast forward a week or two, my wife is getting wasted with Lisa in well-known party city. Both very drunk at this point, Lisa grabs my wife by the hand, pulling her in the direction of the bathroom and yells, "OMG, you HAVE to come with me! I HAVE to show you something amazing!"

Lisa pulls my wife into the bathroom with her, locks the door behind her, drops trou (or skirt in this case), and sits on the toilet. Now, any normal person would say, "Why do you want me to watch you pee?" only in this case, Lisa hoists her feet onto either side of the countertops as if she were sliding into a make-shift gyno chair, legs spread-eagle high above her waist. She then cranks on both bathroom sinks to full blast hot water.

After a minute or two of warming up, she grabs a large cup (or bottle?) and fills it with hot water from one of the sinks flanking her gyno-like throne. She then proceeds to lean back niiiice and wide, and pours the hot water down the front of her, soaking her ass and all the parts in between.

Amidst this fervent display of balance and technique, Lisa grabs my wife's wrist and passionately says into her eyes: "This is the ONLY way to poop!"

Needless to say John was slightly stunned when I explained to him why Lisa was running water in his bathroom for 15 minutes every morning.

noxetlux · 3 months

Roommate one: rolls around in the litter box.

Roommate two: barfs on the floor, thinks I don't know who did it.

Roommate three: Licks his butt. Sucks on used tissues.

My roommates are fucking animals.

dingulberi · 3 months

She thought she was being quiet when she was masturbating. I could still hear her.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Let me clarify. I can't "walk in on her" and have it go "okay" because we were in the same room (bunk beds). Do people not read the other replies before posting the same comments over and over and over?

omelettesoup · 3 months

My roommate is Chinese, she is unaware that I speak it.

I was away from my computer and sorry to disappoint but she mostly talks about some sort of Chinese version of American Idol and how horrible the food is in the US.

puurboi · 3 months

One of my room mates last year would piss/shit the bed when he was steaming drunk.

He used to try to hide it but you could tell because the next day his sheets would always be in the washer or dryer.

Also whenever i used to go wank if anyone knocked on y door i would just say "dude ill be out in 20 mins, im wanking" - not a single fuck given if people knew what i was doing.... i dunno why people hide it so much, nothing to be ashamed of really

flipguy · 3 months

He talks to the girls in the porn he watches. He calls them by name and gets really in to it so we all end up hearing him.

CobraKaun · 3 months

TIL Every roommates dark secret is that they masturbate. Everyone does it people, it's not some deep dark secret.

artisticsubmission · 3 months

I know every single time my room mate poops. This information would MORTIFY her.

theweakened · 3 months

Not me, but my friend's roommate was overheard begging her boyfriend to stick his dick up her ass.

SourCreamWater · 3 months

She hides alcohol under the sink in MY bathroom. Retard.

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